Growing Up

We all have to grow up at some point, that's a guarantee. Some aspects of being an adult can be not that bad, and other aspects can really suck. As an adult, you have much more responsibility than what you had before. You have bills to pay, you have to go to school, you have to go to your job, you need to pay off student loans, you don't get a lot of free time, you don't see your friends as often etc. It can really suck sometimes.

I'm technically in the teenage years yet. I haven't reached 20 years old yet. I haven't reached adulthood yet. And to be honest, I don't want to. I want to go back to being a kid in Kindergarten where we took naps every day and watched Mister Rodgers Neighborhood, had recess and barely had homework. And where we didn't have a care in the world besides what color crayon to use. Back in those days, we were carefree and stress free. Today, I really wish I still had that. College is very stressful. Getting jobs and working is stressful. Trying to pay for school/textbooks is stressful. Everything these days are stressful.

If everything is so stressful now for me, I can just barely imagine how stressful being an adult is. I don't want to grow up. I want to go back to being a kid, with all my friends, and feeling safe inside those 4 walls of school that separated us from the real world. Part of me even wants to go back to high school, and have prom and homecoming week again, and see my friends everyday, and see all of my favorite teachers that made class and school enjoyable. I want to go back to where I spent my 12 years growing up. And I want to stay there forever.

Some people complain about how they can't wait to get out of high school and graduate and get away from everyone and have freedom. I had that attitude once when I was halfway over with my Senior Yr in high school. I wish I never had that attitude at all. Senior yr went by so fast. I want to relive it again. High school is nothing like College. High school was stressful at times, don't get me wrong, but it is not nearly as stressful as College. Some people say that they can't wait to go to College. College has it perks sometimes, but halfway through my first semester of College, I really did wish I was back in high school. I can guarantee that each senior who said that, will want to go back to high school at some point their first yr of college.


I don't know what my future holds, no one does. We can only imagine what it will be like. Part of me wants to grow up and see what my future will be like. But the other part of me doesn't want to grow up. I'm scared to grow up. I'm scared to go out in the real world. I'm scared to be on my own, maybe in town I've never been and by people I don't know. I'm simply just scared to be an adult.

But who isn't scared?

Cherish & live each day like it is your last

Last week Friday, there was a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. 26 people died, and 20 of them were children 6 years old. I'm sure everyone's heard it, but how can you not? It's always on the news, were hear about it everyday. Now schools are emphasizing more security. In my elementary school in my town, for instance, they only have one main door open, with someone there at all times, so you have to sign in, and all of the classroom doors are locked at all times now. Not with just schools, now people want better gun control then what we have now. Even celebrities are speaking out about gun control. In our state, if people have a license for their gun, then can carry it around with them everywhere they go, unless a business states otherwise that no concealed weapons are allowed in. And it is quite easy to get a gun and a license for it.

I understand that everyone wants more gun control and that some people are angry about the concealed carry arms law. The government, senators, governors, and most likely the president as heard everyone's views on this, so we should just let the government or any government official take care of this, even for a week or two. The past week, everyone's been talking about control, etc. But I think now, it time to stop talking about it, maybe for a week. With everyone talking about it, it reminds the parents in Newtown, what happened to their children that died. The parents get reminded everyday of what happened, from all the media, to everyone talking about it. We need to let them mourn. We need to let them mourn their precious children, who went to school like every other day, and died from a shooter. Yes, we'll talk about that day for months to come, but right now, we need to support and be there for the people of Newtown, who lost a loved one on that tragic day.

I can't even imagine what the parents of the children that died are going through. It's almost Christmas, everyone had their tree up, with presents under the tree for their children to open. But now, those presents won't get opened. they won't get to see the happy, excited look on their children's face when they open it. 20 little, precious children, won't be home for christmas and spend it with their families. 20 children won't graduate from high school, won't graduate from College and experience college, they won't get married and have children of their own. All of these 20 children haven't experience life and growing up yet. 
We can't do anything to reverse it, otherwise, trust me, I would. I would gladly give up anything and everything if it meant these children could experience christmas. But, the only thing we can do, is pray for the families and people who lost a loved one. 
If there is a business in our area or town, who are sending something down to the children and families  please take apart and send something. A local business was having a teddy bear drive, and they are going to send all the teddy bears and stuffed animals they receive, to the children who survived the shooting. I gave them my entire collection of beanie babies, because I have no use for them, because all they are doing is collecting dust. I didn't know how to help the children, but once I heard about this, I wanted to help at once. i can't imagine what the children who survived are going through, but I hope these stuffed animals help in some way.<3

I'm not going to talk about the shooter at all, except for this: I don't know what was going through his mind when he shot his mother, the teachers, and all of those students, and then killing himself. I wish that the shooter was alive, so he could live with, every day of his life, what he did to those innocent children and teachers. I know that may sound mean, but that's what I think, and what a lot of people think. And, if he was alive, we might have known why he did this, because now, we don't have answers. We don't know why a man, would go into a elementary school, and shoot 20 6 year old children and teachers. 
That's all I have to say about the shooter, because I feel like a lot of people and even the media, are focusing on the shooter, etc. We need to focus our attention on the children, and what the living ones have gone through. But in such a focusing way, where the media would keep bugging them at the home, or whatever. We need to give them their own space, so they can mourn. 

After all my ramblings, my point is this: Cherish and live each day like it is your last. No one's life is guaranteed, and tomorrow is not guaranteed either. Just say "I love you" to your family, spend time with them, and say that to the people you love, because you don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Everything needs to slow down

So much has happened already. It's crazy how life goes by so fast. I just want to take a step back, and just pause life & the world, so I can catch up.

It;s already November. I started my senior yr in the beginning of September... where has the time gone already?! It's already been 3 months into my senior yr. Everyone wasn't kidding when they said that your senior year goes by fast. Yes, I hate school, and I always say I can't wait to get outta high school; but honestly, I just don't wanna leave just yet. I have until June, so I got some time yet. But it's scary to think after high school, you go into the "real world", or whatever that is. Everything changes after high school; the people you knew and grew up with since preschool & kindergarten. Even the world changes. You go off to college, room with people you don't know at first, but then get to know pretty well. Having more responsibilities, and paying for everything.. things you didn't have to before. Just a scary thought!

I need to apply to colleges yet! I'm just so behind on everything! There is sooo much to do, it's crazy! I don't know if I wanna switch my major or not... and if I don't get into the college that I want to go to... I honestly have no idea what I'd do. I have 3 colleges in mind... but the other 2 are very expensive... yet every college is.

It just seems like everything is coming waaayyy to fast! I need time to catch up and take a breather. Before I know it, it'll be June, and I'll be graduating high school & going off into the real world. Part of me, doesn't want that to happen. I don't wanna graduate and be outta high school. I know, all 18 yrs of school was preparing us for college and the real world, but I just don't wanna go into the real world yet. I don't wanna leave the 4 walls of my high school. Once you leave, you leave all your teachers, friends, memories, and all different experiences that happens. Homecoming, homecoming activites & the bonfire, football games, Prom, Post-Prom, all the clubs. Once I go to college, I don't get to experience all that anymore. They don't have homecomings and proms in college. They have clubs... but it's not the same. In high school, you don't have to worry about much... but in the "real world", so much to worry about.

With all of this.. my point is, that I just want everything to stop, or at least slow down. I just need time to catch up and process everything. It's still a lot to take in, and I just need time to think about it all, and get everything in order, if you will. Life will definitely be different after graduation; everything will change. I don't want that moment to come just yet... I want the good ole days. The days, where your only worry was who would sit by you in class, and what color crayon to use. I miss those days. I miss trading candy on the bus in elementary school with my best friend. I miss sledding during school with all my friends. I miss Lunch and a Good Book, and all the fun activities we did in elementary school. I miss all that. I just wanna go back, and re-live and enjoy all those moments... because once that diploma gets handed to me, *everything changes* 

Decisions

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions. We all have to make them, basically every day. Everyone makes different decisions every day, every week, every month, and every year. To be honest, just like some people in this world ,I don't want to make decisions. Sometimes, decision in like, whatever they are, can be hard, and people just don't want to make hard decisions, and I can say, sometimes I am one of those people. Some people say, the farther in life you get, the harder the decisions are. But, maybe sometimes, those decision are easy decisions sometimes.

But, I am in my last year of High School, so I guess after that, the more decisions I am going to have to make. But, even now for instance, I still have decision to make. And some of them are hard. And people expect me to make a decision right away, like it would be so easy for them. But, the truth is, it's not easy at all. For everyone, decisions are different, and can be easy or hard for them. Sometimes, I am good at making decisions. But, when your in high school, and growing up, you have all these people that you could go to, to ask "What decision should I make". "Is this going to be a good decision, or a bad one".
I liked that, and still like that. I like a little guidance in my decision making, because it helps me decide more, and even think about it more. When I was younger, and growing up through Elementary School, I would ask my friends what I should do, when I make a decision. And most times, I would listen and do what they said. I know, you should take in to account and think about what they say, but that you don't necessarily don't have to do what they say, because in the end, it is your choice. But, I was little back then, so of course I would listen to why friends. 

But now, today, and years to come, I have to learn to make the decision, even the important ones, to make by myself. Yes, I will make new friends when I go off to college and in later years, and I might ask them or tell them about a decision I have to make and ask their opinion. But, ultimately, I do have to make the decision by myself. 

So, all in all. It is good to go to someone for guidance, or help, when you have to make a decision, whether it's a important one or a little one. But in the end, YOU have to make the decision. Yes, somewhere along the way, you might make the wrong decision, or not the best one. But, that's life, and you'll learn from it. <3

Thoughts...

I know I haven't blogged in a while! It's summer... But anyways, since it is summer, I'll admit, sometimes I'm busy, and sometimes I'll just lay around all day. But, it makes me think, A LOT, about everything. Sometimes I'm thinking too much on everything or just a certain thing, and I have a hard time falling asleep. Ever happened to you? It does suck sometimes, not gonna lie. 

But with all this thinking, it made me realize what I all have, whose is all in my life, & who I all depend on. Especially since I'm a Senior now, and will be going off to college in a year. I know, that probably sounds cheesy or something, but it's true.

Like Family, for one. I spend more time with my family during the summer, since I don't have any school work to do & that. But, during school I never really spend time with them, except on weekends. But now, when your sitting at home all day, you usually hang out with your family or do something with them. Don't get me wrong, I do love spending time with my family, but sometimes, to a point. I'm the type of person, that can just stay in my room all day. I like being by myself. And when your around a room full of family members, it can get overwhelming. 

But now, I'm a Senior, and next summer I'll be going to college, so I won't be spending that much time with my family as I have before. Some people are like, "I can't wait to leave my parents and go to college, and be on my own." But now I'm realizing that pretty soon, I will be on my own, and to be honest, I'm scared. I don't wanna be by myself, away from my family. Yeah, sometimes we have disagreements... but I haven't realized how much I depend on my parents & family!

And now, there's Friends. Oh boy! Up until you graduate in high school, all through the years, you've been going to school with the same people for years. You see them everyday, and go to school with them everyday. But, when you go off to college, you won't be seeing much of those same people everyday. (Unless  you go to the same college someone in your class is going too.) But, you'll be surrounded by lots of people you don't know. You won't see the same people, or the teachers. That too, is intimidating!

But, again, I haven't realized how much I depended on my friends until now! Whenever I have a problem or just need to talk to someone, I can text my closest friends, or better yet, go to their house and talk. Whenever I'm bored, I can make plans with my friends to do something. That's all outside of school. Inside of school, you can see each of your friends everyday, eat lunch with them, and act weird during class with them. To be honest, I'm really gonna miss that! 

Along with Family & Friends, there is also your teachers, and just all those other people you may see every week or every day. Even though sometimes I don't like my teachers (how much homework they give out), I'm gonna miss them too! My teachers know me, I've had them for a yr or more, so I know them too. Sometimes I could even go to one of my teachers just to talk to them if I needed to. I won't be seeing them everyday, just like my family & friends. It is going to be quite a change!!

My point out of all this, is that you don't know how much you depend on people. You don't realize that until you simply can't depend on them anymore, because you have to depend on yourself now. But when your own your own, you'll get used to depending on yourself. But, even though you can't depend on Family & Friends anymore, they will still be there! 

<3

Stay Strong

In my life right now, theres a lot going on within my family. Yes there's fighting, but everyone fights sometimes, but thats not it. It deals with illnesses. When you have family member(s) that have an illness, wether they can get it treated right away, or it's serious, it's a hard time for your family, including yourself, to go through.

The first time, myself and my family had to go through something like this, was when my niece, who is 3 now, was diagnosed with Polysistic Kidney Disease when she was born. That was a couple years ago, so I didn't know what that meant. But today, I do. I did research about it, and it is quite serious than I thought it was. But anyways, she still has to get a kidney transplant. (She hasn't found a match yet), but until she gets one, she has to go on dialysis, and get all these other things too. But, she recently went to the hospital to get a blood tranfusion, but something went wrong, so she has to stay in the hospital for a while. This just breaks my heart, because she's 3, and she's so young & should be gong through this. And, she doesn't live close to me, to where I can see here, She lives in another state, so I barely see her at all. It is hard, knowing all this, but not being able to do anything about it, or see her. And when I think about this, I think about all the good times, and what she looks like. I don't try to think about the bad times, and all the hospital visits, because that makes me even more sad.
So my point is after that whole paragraph.... is to just find your strength within you. Everyone has that strength. Don't dwell on the bad memories, but the good memories.<3

The second time, was with my cousin, when he was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. Once he found out, we had a benefit for him, to raise money to have the operation to ger rid of it. We raised enough money, and he got it removed. He has been brain cancer free for a yr or 2, but this yr, the Brain tumor came back. So now, he is back on radiation and all these pills. It kills me to see him take all those pills and go in for radiation every week. When I think about my cousin, I also think about the good memories. Like how he was before this all happened. And how he was after her was cancer free. It does help.<3

I won't explain all of the illnesses happening within my family, but those are just a couple. Yes, those are the serious ones.
But the point is, after talking about them... is that you think about the good, happy, and postive memories. If you always think about the bad memories, it won't help you get through these difficult times. It will also make you even more sad when you think about them and what they're going through. Fill yourseld up with happy & good memories about them to help you get through this. And, if thinking about those happy moments, still doesn't help that much, talk to someone. Talk to someone about all of this. It helps when you get these things off your chest, and once you do, it feels like a big load was lifted off of you, and it makes you feel better.

If poeple are going through difficult times like this, or similar, just stay strong.<3 You have all you family and friends to help you through this. Your not alone, not one bit. Find that inner strength you have in you.<3

Like A Family

So when your on a sport's team, it's basically like a family. And, when your on a team that is relatively small, it's even more like a family. I play soccer, and we only have 12 girls on our team, which isn't a lot but it's the bare minium. So are soccer team is only made up of 12 girls, when all the other teams have 16-20 girls. But with our team being so small, we are like a family.

But anyways, our coach was talking about, how with how small of a team we have, it's family. We see the same people, everyday, 5 days a week from 3:40 till 5:30. We see each other a lot, and we all go to school together also, so we see each other even more. When you have a team, for whichever sport, and it's somewhat small, or even as small as ours, everyone has to get along. When everyone is friends with everybody else, and we all get along, then we are a T-E-A-M. To function and play like a team, you  have to get along, don't fight with people, etc.

Our coach kept telling us, how after today, everyone is gonna have a clean slate. We all had opportunties to tell everyone is something was up or anything. But with how close we all have gotten this year, we didn't have that many problems. he even pulled out each person one at a time during practice to talk to us. We could tell him if everything was up, or if we had problems, with him or another team mate. The reason he pulled us aside, was because he heard that people on the team are talking behind people's backs, and not just at practice, but at school. He doesn't want that, because then all of us aren't going to play like a team. I think that is true. We can't be taking all this drama to school, and then taking it into pratice.I thing that was a good idea on his part, beause we have regionals coming up, which means to play as a team even more, we all have to get along, with no problems, drama, or tension between us.

My point after all this, is that, there's no I in T-E-A-M. A team is EVERYONE. Everyone gets along with each other, everyone is friends, and everyone helps other people out if they are having a hard time with something.
**Act like a team. Play like a team, and BE A TEAM!**